10.11.19

Michael Pietila writes from the hole

Michael Scott Pietila

Introducing Heathen ( AKA Michael Scott Pietila #277076)

      A good friend who is also an advocate for my rights along with many others felt some would appreciate my thoughts, feelings and understanding as a blog. I’ll honestly say I had and have, no idea anyone valued myself to such an extent. I guess we’ll see as this blog progresses. I’ve never read a blog, never wrote a blog, as a matter of fact the technology revolution of the 2000’s I happened to miss on my first bid. I did 101/2 years for an Armed Robbery and a couple burglaries. Yes, I am a “violent” criminal who lives by a code of conduct, morals and principals that are foreign to most society. On the flip side, Society is an alien environment to me and many like me. I’m not against punishment for those of us who break the law.

         On the contrary, I believe some of us deserve the punishment meted out by the courts. But there are some exceptions to the punishments that I believe deserving of alterations or transformations. It is ridiculous to believe that just housing us and throwing outdated and ineffectual programs and schooling at us while the DOC employees continue with their general outlooks that we are wayward children or even animals that they need to subdue and break is going to rehabilitate us, I’ll also speak out against the medieval psychological and psychiatric services for us who do suffer from mental illnesses.
       I am diagnosed as bipolar I, PTSD, paranoid personality and major depressive disorder. At times I’m in such a manic state ( such as this mild mania that is allowing me to pen this introduction) that I cannot get enough done. I know I need to seize these opportunities because in between my ‘manic episodes” I suffer debilitating depressive states where I’m like a robot going through the motions of existence  and let me travel deeper to my lowest levels of depression and I may end up in the hospital getting stitched up from my latest artistry with a razor blade.
         ON occasion I get too excitable and something may trigger my paranoid delusions or full blown psychosis where I believe everyone in the world can hear my thoughts, can communicate with me in depth and detail with a look or body language or that I’m being housed in a prison where all the employees are cannibals who want to suit up on us, spray us, with the SC can to spice up the meat, rape us to tenderize our meat and eventually kill us, then feed us to each other and eat us themselves.
       Yeah that’s the short version of the story. I also happen to be a muslim of the caucasion persuasion which I’m pretty sure isn’t trending in the current societal circles. I’m not a very good muslim, but I am one and I’m proud of it despite the current vilification of my brethren by the American media and aristocracy.
       I’m currently housed at Waupun Correctional Institution and with this drastic lack of corrections officers that they have here this seems to be the black hole of the WI department of Corrections. The lack of employees is compounded by the draconian way we are treated by many employees. Granted we as Inmates, prisoners and convicts ( very distinct differences) do not help ourselves with our macho posturing , selfish needs, or alien personalities but in the end WE ARE STILL HUMAN, just like all of you. What’s sad is I’m currently in segregation (restrictive housing unit) by choice and I’m not getting out anytime soon. They shut down the institution and cancel everything while feeding us in our cells when we already expected to live our lives”22-23 hours a day in a 3X3 cell with another inmate. I’m running out of steam for this blog. when inspiration strikes. I ‘ll be back.
                                                             I’M A HUMAN TOO!!
 



Questions
by Heathen
          I’m a depressed, destitute, lonely and forsaken individual looking to build a support structure/network both for now/immediate concerns and future. I am lost without guidance and family and friends. I have no contacts on the outside and little or no friends in here. I have to beg for my hygiene, stamps and coffee. I cannot watch the news because I have no one to buy me a tv. I can’t listen to the news for the same reason –no radio. I have no shoes to exercise with, and no warm winter clothes to put on in the coldest days of winter. I have no one to communicate with about my sorrow,  my pain, my reality. I pray and get no answer. I pray and get no answer. I pray and things get worse. I pray and wonder if God hates me I wonder what I have done to deserve this life. I have 300 plus scars on my body, scars upon scars testifying to my anguish and hopelessness. I’ve attempted suicide so many times I forgot how many , only to pull back at the last second with hope for a brighter day. Who will want me? Who could  handle such as myself? What will I do for work? How will I discover the fortitude to work? Where will I live. Who will love me?



ANGELS WALK THIS REALM
by Heathen

   I have not had a positive outlook on life for years. Days i find it hard to motivate out of bed just to eat, use the bathroom, etc. are a regular occurrence in my life. I try all the anti –depressants but most, if not all, are impossibly miniscule in relief. I work my way up to max dose after max dose, trying the gamut. If life were meant be a cake walk I wouldn’t have suffered all I have or know all the people I do with equal amount s of issues and/or problems.
Every theology I have studied basically sum up angels as an ethereal, otherworldly, invisible being who meddles in our lives for our benefit. Some I’ve studied believed in fallen  angles or demons, I study Islam. I am a mu-min- a believer, I am Muslim, no matter how disobedient I can be to Allah. I have not always been, I may not always be, but in this moment I am. Regardless of the teachings. I believe in , study, I believe in angels and divine intervention. click to continue:


 https://casesprison.files.wordpress.com/2019/09/michael-pietila-angels-walk-this-realm.pdf


Being Destitute in the Wisconsin DOC:
by Heathen              .

I’m broke. Not just broke, completely destitute. Considering where I’m at, prison, you would say “you’ll survive ,3 hots and a cot.”But the truth of the matter is it’s beyond tough. It’s soul wrenching. I’m still a human being, one who lived a rough childhood and made some mistakes. No better and no worse than majority of those on the streets. Let alone behind these walls. No, I’m not homeless. I’m incarcerated with ruthless, emotionless, hyena type individuals for the most part. Desensitized to another’s trials and tribulation.
click to read more:



last paragraph:

..It’s torture living with a rich cellie, or one who has canteen money because eventually they expect some kind of reciprocation , or they talking about how they can’t keep ”carrying” you. When they are the ones who  offer. And to constantly have to ask to watch tv or listen to their radio. It’s tiring  , and when they are in a bad mood and give me a hard time for not ”having my own shit” I get fed up.I’d rather sit in seg, collect my 2 free envelopes and write free book places.